The liver is evil?

No, the liver is fine.  The kidneys too are fine, as is the thyroid.
The likelihood is I got a little too much lithium in my system, my body went a bit crazy for a few hours, metabolised and filtered as it's supposed to and regained a normal level.

Still, the shaky thing left me shaken and frustrated, which I think you pick up on in my last post from the whiny tone I chose to take. And sometimes when I'm frustrated or feeling uncertain I make some dubious decisions.

I got drunk last night.

I don't know if I meant to get drunk. It started off as just one beer with some colleagues before the opening night of The Other Place. Admittedly it was my first beer of 2013 so perhaps it was the fact that I was reminded of how much I like beer that led to me having a second beer when my friend showed up. Then we watched the play and afterwards there were the opening night drinks. It's always fun to scull a glass or two of free wine and surreptitiously gawk at celebrities. So that's what I did. And then because I remembered that I had so enjoyed my beer, I had another beer. Then I decided I should go home so I went to leave but my boss said, "Hey, let's go up to Curve Bar and have one more drink," so I went up to Curve Bar and had two more drinks. Then the bar closed so I really did have to pour myself into a cab and go home.

As last night was my first drunken night of 2013 I also had the great pleasure of my first hangover for 2013 today. I would like to thank coffee, corn chips and Gatorade for getting me through it.

Now the reason I think this might have been a dubious decision is that I haven't been drinking up until now, save for a glass of wine I had over dinner with my Dad one night. Some people ask me if I'm allowed to drink, and I've even asked the same question of my psychiatrist and his response is that I'm allowed to do whatever I want in my life. But... Alcohol dehydrates you, which the lithium already does so drinking will make me more dehydrated, drinking has a sedative effect which the Zyprexa also has so drinking will make me more sleepy, alcohol is a depressant so it will contradict the antidepressants I take and lastly, any of the stupid things you regret doing or the defeating feelings a hangover brings will be magnified because they're already things my bipolar brain does to itself.

But yes, technically I am allowed to drink.

I can't help but wonder if my frustration at my body for having such an uncontrollable outburst led me to punish that same body with a drinking binge. Or maybe I was testing my body, pushing it to see if any more cracks would show, bringing it all to a head now rather than later. Or perhaps I wanted an escape from being bipolar and just wanted to do what everyone around me was doing and enjoy my night. I don't know.

I do know I had a fun night with people whose company I greatly appreciate and despite the yearning for a way to intravenously introduce caffeine into my blood stream this morning, my hangover wasn't too terrible.

I don't think I'm going to make a regular thing of getting drunk, but it's kind of nice to know that the option hasn't been cut off by bipolar. I can still do regular things and in the words of Wayne Campbell "And I still know how to party!"