Mired in the mush

I should firstly apologise to my readers for the varying writing quality on this blog. Sometimes I spend days deliberating over what to write and how to write it and other times I get all Virginia Woolf and just tap out stream of conciousness, usually one-handed into the Safari browser on my iPhone and very often from a reclined position in my bed. So hopefully even when this is a garbled mess you still enjoy or learn something, and if nothing else you should learn about the benefits of revision and editing.

So now that's done, how am I feeling today? Well, to be honest, I'm feeling mildly crap. Nothing big or bad is happening but work is just a bit underwhelming and I'm having drawn-out dealings with Centrelink and I'm getting anxious about finding somewhere to live and my appointment with my psychologist left me feeling overwrought and I saw a really bad play and just in general there are enough things going on for me to feel a bit 'meh' towards life.

It's actually a wonderful thing to feel mildly crap. When I'm depressed there is no such things as feeling mildly crap. There's just an amalgamated mush of major negativity that continually feeds itself on what would otherwise be mildly crap feelings. And I get mired in that mush and can't separate out the bits to see that anything is circumstantial.

I will be keeping an eye on my mood to see that it doesn't dip any further or without explanation but overall I think I need to just wait for some of my issues to resolve and in the meantime be good to myself. Perhaps take myself to a movie tomorrow on my day off.

It's definitely helping my mood overall that I'm returning, be it ever so slowly, to being sociable. I almost feel like I need some sort of debutante ball to reintroduce myself to society, after having become such a hermit. I'd like to particularly thank those friends who I've had coffee catch-ups, brunches or play-dates with of late for not blinking when my memory packs it in and I'm suddenly left without words. Perhaps you genuinely didn't notice, but either way it has helped my confidence immeasurably to see that my ludicrous memory isn't standing as a barrier between myself and other people.