Upheaval

This is turning out to be quite a time of upheaval and change for me. I was thinking to myself just the other day how well I was handling it all. Well, that was a nice day. I should have known it was never going to last.

I think when all the change seemed very abstract and theoretical to me I could cope with it just fine but now that I've had some concrete lumps of inevitable fact dumped in my lap I'm freaking out just a little. So, what's changed?

Well, I confirmed the date I'm moving out of my current sublet and in with my brother and my nephew. Suddenly the thought of moving across to the other side of town seems scary and I'm panicking because I haven't used up all 10 of the yoga classes I paid for. In the few moments of rationality I'm afforded I recognise that there is nothing to stop me travelling back to this side of town to take a yoga class because really it's not that far and let's face it, I'm soon likely to have more free time on my hands.

I don't think I've itirated this at all in my blog yet but I'm going to be without work as of next Friday. My department is being folded into another department for the time being and so my services will no longer be required. I'd managed to push my impending unemployment to the back of my mind but now that it's steadily approaching I'm hitting panic mode. I had a job interview today which I think I tanked (group interview - revealed my weakness for not suffering fools) and I have another one on Thursday but there is still a distinct possibility that I might have no income in less than two weeks.

What I do know I'll be doing in two weeks is attending orientation at Deakin University where I've been accepted to study a Bachelor of Arts. I've been saying I wanted to go back to study for months but now that it's really happening I'm filled with feelings of dread and inadequacy. What happens if I'm not smart enough? What if everyone there hates me? What if the poverty I'll have to endure while studying drives me back to the brink?

I'm getting stress headaches just thinking about all of this. There have even been times this week when I've been so preoccupied that I've forgotten to eat. Me! Forget to eat!

What I need to do is practice some acceptance and commitment therapy and recognise that the panicky thoughts are not helping me. Then I need to commit to taking actions and thinking thoughts that are helpful and in line with my goals and values. In practical terms this means staying organised so that I don't get overwhelmed by any of the upcoming events, taking care of myself so getting good rest, eating well and regularly and attending yoga and lastly, reaching out to those around me to let them know this is likely to be a rough time and I might need help.

So there you are, you're forewarned, rough seas ahead. But hopefully once I've gone through this transition time it will all be smooth sailing.

Busy

This is a very hurried post because it's Friday morning and I should be getting ready for work.
My life has felt quite hurried and full these last few weeks as I've tried to juggle deadlines, socialising, family commitments and care for myself.
So, what's been going on you ask?
Well, firstly I've been madly applying for jobs and university courses. Jobs because I need to leave my current job and university courses because I made a last minute decision that the best thing I could do to nourish my recovering brain is stimulate it with study. I've had to run around town tracking down copies of transcripts from all my previous educational institutions but finally everything has been found, copied, certified and submitted.
I've gone out a fair few times these past weeks but then this week I've also indulged in some theatrical immersion seeing three play readings and one full scale production. I've also this week bought tickets for some interstate productions of Macbeth so I've got at least two mini-holidays in the pipelines this year.
This week has also been a big week due to the very exciting arrival of my brand new baby niece. I was on hand to wrangle the two older children so I got to see the precious thing when she was only minutes old. Such a blessing and such a happy time for our family.
Finally I've been trying to spare a few moments here and there to make sure I'm caring for myself properly. This means going to yoga, resting, eating nourishing food and just trying to find some still moments to check in with myself to see how I'm really going. This has been particularly important since I've had to change my medication regime. I have developed a facial tic which can be an indication that the medication has caused a condition called tardive dyskinesia. This is characterised by pronounced, permanent tics or bodily movements. In the hopes that my tic will go away I'm being weaned off Saphris, the antipsychotic I have been taking. So it's just a matter of seeing how I go without it and then coming up with a strategy if everything is not ok. So far I'm feeling fine, in fact I'm feeling rather positive about the future at present.
And now I really must dash as work beckons and I must go. I'll update you soon on any advancements on the job/study front.